Perception of my own reality

I often perceive myself making the same mistakes over and over again, I think I know the right door ways and paths to follow to lead to a better more productive and possibly happier self but I find myself screaming at my continued inability to change, like I am not directly connected to the decision making part of my existence, I just coax along watching the days and years pass by into nothingness my existence slowly fading away, like was I ever even here, are my memories real, am I who I was, was who I was better than the me right now, will the future me one day find the courage to make a change, am I missing something to make me whole or can I become whole on and by myself?


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